Bible Thumper or Bible Stumper?

I was out surfing the web the other day and came across this little bit. You may have seen ones similar, but I enjoyed this. Makes me wonder about all those Bible Thumpers out there. It reaffirms my belief that Bible Thumper = hypocrite.

I know, this is probably not the time of year to post about religion being Hanukkah and Christmas season and all, but I think, what better time than to catch people while they are reflecting on their beliefs to challenge them?

Laura Schlessinger is a US radio personality, who dispenses advice to people who call in to her Radio show. On her radio show recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination, according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura.

Dear Dr. Laura,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1) Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
2) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
3) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrul uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
4) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord -Lev.1:9. The problem is, my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
5) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2. clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
6) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?
7) Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?
8) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?
9) I know from Lev.11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
10) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Get A Job!

This may seem odd coming from a public high school teacher, but that's ok, I teach odd people. My question is simple, the answer, not so much.

Q: Should students be required to come to public high school?

From my observations, No. Look, I teach three classes a semester. This semester I am fortunate to teach a Honors World History class from Heaven 1st period, an AP Economics Class from Earth 3rd period, but in between, I have an Average World History Class from Hell. Not that every student in the class is a problem, on the contrary, only a select few seem to be tests sent to me by the gods. I am not the only one in the class being tested however, the students trying to learn the subject material are also being tested. I don't mean by me at the end of a chapter or unit, they are being tested by the other students who are not at school to learn. The distractions created by the, shall we say, non-academically motivated students make it more difficult for the rest of the students to concentrate and learn. In short, at this point in the semester, I feel that the students who don't care about the class, the curriculum, the course, their education, their peers should go some place else. That's right, GET A JOB! GET OUT OF MY CLASSROOM! LET ME DO MY JOB! LET THE STUDENTS WHO CARE, GET AN EDUCATION!

Ok, maybe I am overstating my arguement. I mean, I have at least one kid in the class who is working at school. In fact, it has a good chance of making more money than I do. All day long he gets to see his clientele in class, in the halls, during lunch, and on the bus. Basically, he works the same number of hours I do, and makes more money based on the more he pushes. In fact, the suspicion is that he is higher up in the supply chain this year than last year. (And by the way, he is presently passing the class - its his 4th time taking the course however). I guess that means he is not only making money off what he sells, he is also making money off what others sell. ( I wonder if I could get a cut of all my students' income each time they use what I taught them?) Not bad. He has buyers - On Demand! It an "On Demand Wolrd" these days. He's got customers who are required by law to come to him (well, come to school at least, which is where he is).

You know, now that I think about it, I have at least one other kid in the class who is getting an education outside of the books. Yeah, that's right, they are. I see them talking with the girls, writing letters to girls, in fact, I'm sure some of the things they do could considered harassment - yeah, so I guess they are working too.

Hmm, let's see. Drug Dealers, Pimps, anything else...?

Alright then, Drug Dealers and Pimps aside, since, obviously, they do have a good reason for being at school, what about the rest? Do I really want them to be out of school? What if they can't find a job? You know, there can be just so many fry-clerks at the well respected fast-food establishments. What would they be doing? Selling Drugs? Pimpin'? Robbery? Mischief & Mayhem? On the street, they would never get ahead.

Ok, ok. You talked me into it. You convinced me. They all should still be at school. It is still the best place to get an education, even if it is not in reading, writing, and arithmatic.

A: Yes.